Posts tagged sex

i-am-the-lighthouse:

fuckyeahlgbt:

queerwatch:

[via]

Sex: characteristics (anatomical, genetic & hormonal) socially identified as male, female or intersex.
Gender: behaviors/norms socially assigned to males & females; masculinity & femininity.
Gender identity: internal sense of gender as man or woman, which may not conform to birth sex.
Gender expression: external signs of “femininity” or “masculinity” via clothing, comportment, etc…
Gender non-conformity: to reject assignment of distinct norms and behaviors to men & women
Genderqueer: freedom and openness of gender expression and sexual orientation, regardless of birth sex or societal norms/expectations. Often working actively to question and redefine established concepts and definitions of gender and sexual orientation.
Transgender: person who transcends behaviors/norms socially assigned to men & women; person who rejects gender binary; gender variant person; person whose gender identity/expression does not conform to birth sex.

prettyyoungtext:

Screw that. I put together a sheet of my own from various other sources to distribute to my classmates tomorrow. I would have liked to include a lot more information, but printing stuff costs money (specifically, my limited funds). With some careful formatting and double-sided printing, the text will fit onto one sheet of paper. I copy/pasted this from Word, so the format and bullet-points may look wonky, but you’re welcome to copy/paste/print this for your own means. Here we go:

What’s wrong with suggesting that women take precautions to prevent being raped?

 

It’s wrong because it puts the onus on women not to get themselves raped, rather than on men not to do the raping; in short, it blames the victim. (Finally Feminism 101)

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Hell, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.

If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.

If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.

If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.

If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.

If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.

If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.

If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.

If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.

If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.

If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.

If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.

If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.

If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.

If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.

If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.

If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.

If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.

Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.

Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.

Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.

Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.

Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself. (Men Can Stop Rape)

In case you aren’t sure how to avoid raping, here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:

©       How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?

©       Do you think it is the other person’s responsibility to say something if they aren’t into what you’re doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?

©       Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after it’s been given?

©       Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?

©       Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?

©       If someone is promiscuous, do you think it’s less important to get consent?

©       Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)

©       Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., “If you let me______, I’ll do ______for you?”)

©       Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if you’re not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?

©       Do you think it’s OK to initiate something sexual with someone who’s sleeping? What if the person is your partner?

©       Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when you’re sober?

©       Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as “I’ve been tested recently” is enough?

©       Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, it’s up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?

©       Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more “manly” abuses?

 

You may want to keep in mind that rapists are often not strangers.

©       73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.

©       38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

©       28% are an intimate.

©       7% are a relative.

Rapists are rarely hiding in the bushes. More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their home.

©       4 in 10 take place at the victim’s home.

©       2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.

©       1 in 12 takes place in a parking garage.

©       The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.

©       52% are white.

©       22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.

©       In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated — 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.

©       In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon.

©       84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.

Rapists rarely serve time in jail for their crimes. 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. (Rape Abuse & Incest National Network)

On one hand, people seem to be aware in which the ways people express consent and non-consent.  VS. These same people can misinterpret body language, and so continue pushing.  For example—-If a girl says ‘No’ but then looks away, it means she’s flirting and really means ‘Yes, but I’m playing hard to get’

-Personally, I could be red in the face and laughing, but if I say no, I mean no.  (Usually when I’m laughing, it’s at their audacity, and I have severe nervous reactions to attention that I don’t want, which leads to more laughing, and I’m sure some people could interpret my awkward behavior as flirtatious, and they couldn’t be farther from the truth.)

-I think it would be interesting to know, how many women actually in real life “play hard to get” or if this is just a myth and something in the media. 

** All this ties into discussions about having the right to change your mind at anytime.  Including couple, strangers, friends etc.  As a culture we seem to have this all or nothing concept about sex.  Once started you can’t back out for fear of being labeled… tease, frigid, no fun, aggravating

I love Twilight.  Went and saw Eclipse yesterday, and I loved it just like I have the other two and all the books.  Throughout the whole movie I was hypersensitive because of all the criticism it’s received regarding Edward being like a d.v. partner, and Bella having to be protected and shit.  I agree that the movies and books support the basic template of the man being supreme and the woman being protected, yet there are many rad key points that stand out for me.  By no means do I think anything should be overlooked, or left unconfronted.  I think it’s extremely important to point at whats wrong and to hold it accountable for how it affects our mass culture, especially considering just how huge Twilight is. 

I suppose I just want to ask why people spend time talking about Twilight, but not any of the other huge movies that our children are raised with.  Like Cinderella and The Little Mermaid.  Or why people don’t talk about parents showing their tiny kids violent horror films.  Comparatively Twilight is minor compared to the movies that are considered ‘normal’.  With Twilight, you can even say you hate it and be part of a collective whole that agree with you, but if you dare say that Disney is sexist, watch the fuck out because at least from what I’ve experienced practically everybody you know will descend on you to defend what is ‘normal’. 

I only want to point out a few things that I really noticed about Twilight in regards to Edward being a controlling bastard.  Bella doesn’t have to fear what Edward will do, if she does what she wants.  Yes, he has every right to be jealous and dislike another trying to go after his significant other.  I would consider that normal.  As far as the author pushing her Mormon beliefs on people, like not having sex until after marriage… While I hardly think that it’s necessary or good or bad or anything like that… I think it’s significant to say that for two people who would die for each other because of their deep bond and love for one another, that they don’t even have to be having passionate sex, is definitely a different type of relationship that one doesn’t typically see anymore.  Sex is awesome important and everything good, but it isn’t the climax of a relationship. 

So thanks to the people who have put a lot of time and energy into confronting the bullshit, I beg you to do the same thing for all the other movies that people are watching everyday, including the ones that you love.  We definitely all have our guilty pleasures… or things that we’ve never considered damaging, but if you think Twilight is bad… look at everything else you’re watching and reading.  The things you’ve taken for granted since being a baby.  Criticise… and start with me.