Posts tagged rape
Transcend Dualism
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By Jessica Valenti
*An excellent article, in case you haven’t seen it yet, and these excerts are my favorite key points.*
Let’s get this out of the way: Sweden does not have a “broken condom” law. WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was not arrested because his contraception failed mid-coitus. Nor is he charged with “sex by surprise.”
Everyone from Fox News’s Glenn Beck to feminist writer Naomi Wolf is getting in swipes. Beck told viewers that Assange is being investigated for “sex by surprise” (again, not a real law) because of a “radical” feminist bent on revenge. Wolf wrote a snarking letterto Interpol in the Huffington Post, arguing that the accusers are using feminism to “assuage … personal injured feelings.” And AOL News writer Dana Kennedy dismissed the incidents as a simple “condom malfunction.”
The allegations against Assange are rape, sexual molestation and unlawful coercion. He’s accused of pinning one woman’s arms and using his body weight to hold her down during one alleged assault, and of raping a woman while she was sleeping. In both cases, according to the allegations, Assange did not use a condom. But the controversy seems to center on the fact that both encounters started off consensually. One of his accusers was quoted by the Guardian newspaper in August as saying, “What started out as voluntary sex subsequently developed into an assault.” Whether consent was withdrawn because of the lack of a condom is unclear, but also beside the point. In Sweden, it’s a crime to continue to have sex after your partner withdraws consent.
It was only two years ago that Maryland overturned an archaic court rulingstating that if a woman withdrew consent, any sex that followed wasn’t rape. In 2007, the Maryland Court of Special Appeals justified this old ruling, explaining that anything after the initial “deflowering” of a woman couldn’t be rape because “the damage was done” to her virginity and she could never be “reflowered.” In fact, the injured party, according to this ruling, wasn’t even the assaulted woman, but the “responsible male’s interest” - that of her father or husband. It took until 2008 for the state’s highest court to change this.
In fact, some activists and legal experts in Sweden want to change the law there so that the burden of proof is on the accused; the alleged rapist would have to show that he got consent, instead of the victim having to prove that she didn’t give it.
If anything, this means we can’t stop at changing legislation. For true justice, there needs to be a cultural shift in the way Americans think about sex, consent and rape, so that when women come forward - whether they’re accusing a celebrity, a sports star or a neighbor - our immediate reaction isn’t to misconstrue or speculate about their motives, but to listen.
Rape as a Weapon of War in the Congo Becomes Rape as a Cultural Norm by Aimee Sea
There’s been a lot written about the use of rape as a weapon of war in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Now, the Harvard Humanitarian Initiative has found a 17-fold increase in the number of civilian rapes. Rape as war has become rape as culture. Nicholas Kristoff has written about this in Liberia, and now it’s happening in the Congo.
Researchers surveyed over 4,000 women who sought treatment at one of the hospitals in the Eastern part of Congo, the ground zero of rape. They found that while war rapes were declining, civilian rapes had increased dramatically: 17-fold. Not doubled, nor tripled, nor even quadrupled, but increased 17-fold. We don’t even have a special word for that sharp an increase.
The SAFER Act, introduced into Congress last Tuesday, would provide funding for audits of untested rape kits all across the country. Further, it would create a national database of evidence arising from the kits. Victims would be able to track the progress of their case online, adding a much-needed layer of accountability for law enforcement and empowering victims to be more involved in their cases.
Make no mistake about it, this legislation is vital to public safety. Representative Maloney pointed out that while evidence for almost all other crimes is processed quickly, often within hours of collection, rape kits can sit gathering dust for over a decade, at which point the statute of limitations has been exceeded.
New Law Address Rape Kit Backlog
More on the legislation can be found here, courtesy of the RAINN, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.
(via ryking)
(via welcometomanhood)
Imagine how much more comfortable women would be with pursuing justice if there was more reason to believe they (and their cases) would actually be taken seriously! This is so awesome.
(via picklejuice)
This is so important.
Arguments about legalisation for off street venues are based on a presumption that such a move would shift the sex industry off the street. This is more a hope than a reality. As the experience of Victoria, Australia demonstrates an expanding legal sector is accompanied by a similar increase in the illegal.
When I oppose legalisation of prostitution, criticisms emerge that this would make prostitution safer. I’ve done a fair amount of research on the subject, and I have concluded that it not only fails in this assumption, but it also increases human trafficking and the illegal sectors of the industry.
The quote above comes from here, a critical examination of responses to prostitution in four countries by London Metropolitan University. When I read a study on the situation in Victoria, Australia, I was shocked by just how negative legalisation was. State endorsement increased demand for illegal and legal sectors, because customers don’t distinguish within prostitution.
Beyond that, state endorsement is a welcome mat.
In The Brothel Client and the Rapist, I explored how similar buying prostitutes is to rape. Both are men that think they should be able to have sex whenever they want without consequences, and we discourage this in the rapist but not in the brothel client.
The only difference, it seems, is whether they have bought her consent.
The study found that some sex businesses “seek to evade the demands of regulation; and women who are serious drug users are seldom able to comply with the rules and requirements of legal brothels.” This evasion of regulation can certainly be seen in the Netherlands, where trafficked women (and 1000-1500 trafficked children) are actually more likely to appear in LICENSED establishments.
They add: “It is also possible that a proportion of customers prefer the street prostitution scene. It is clear from research that the majority of those in street prostitution have serious drug problems. A legalisation strategy therefore serves to further criminalise and marginalise them.”
Indoor prostitution is less dangerous than street prostitution. But the conclusions of this study are that women are pushed onto the street if they don’t meet legal requirements, increasing the street trade. Beyond the danger of legalisation, state endorsement invites men, saying ‘go ahead, women are there to please you.’
Please, women are commodified by society enough as it is. With the high incidence of rape, men already feel they are entitled to women’s bodies.
Let’s not add state endorsement to the mix.
Further reading:
- New U.K. Study: One in Ten Women in Prostitution Are Slaves (humantrafficking.change.org)
- Why men use prostitutes
(guardian.co.uk)- 10 reasons for not legalizing prostitution
(prostitutionresearch.com)- Legalising prostitution is not the answer: the example of Victoria, Australia
(study by Mary Sullivan and Sheila Jeffreys)
Some of you have probably seen the various dating advice articles that yahoo puts on their front pages. How perfectly they perpetuate our rape culture. Teaching us to misread body language. Completely disregarding cultural and personal differences. I’ve met a few guys who like to claim they have a ‘gift’ for reading people. I never knew what to say. I personally always thought they were a little off (creepy) and they thought I was into them. Now I know why they thought I liked them, because obviously they read stuff like this.
5 signs she’s into you
By Chelsea Kaplan
(Better described as five signs Chelsea Kaplan is or isn’t into you.)
Five signs your date is into you…
1. She tilts her head
2. She takes a sip when you take a sip
3. She twirls her hair
4. She gets a glow
5. Her pupils dilate
…and five signs your date is not into you
1. She crosses her arms
2. She places her bag between you two
3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer
4. She offers you a chin-up smile
5. She strokes her neck
http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=8949&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=688255
My personal disclaimers.
1) I tilt my head when I’m confused, when it hurts, when I’m tired, when I’m looking at something or someone. 2) I do this with everybody. 3) I don’t have enough hair to twirl, and even when I did I don’t recall ever twirling it at all. 4) My glow… I get red in the face at the drop of a hat, don’t take it personally. 5) I have no idea what my pupils do.
1) I cross my arms to get cozy, be warm and whenever the hell I want. 2) I don’t have a ‘bag’. 3) If I’m talking, that’s a good sign. Forgive me if I talk fast. 4) Smiles are far to complicated to even try going into this. 5) I like touching my neck… I do that a lot.
@dangerboi
I’m pro-sex, so I have no problem with prostitution. I just think there seriously needs to be a revamp of selling sex so that the prostitutes, women and men, are not exploited for their choice to work in the sex industry.
You should have a problem with prostitution. These facts, taken from a variety of international sources, show that women are often forced into prostitution. A study on legalisation in Australia found that it increased human trafficking as well as demand for illegal prostitution.
It wouldn’t need to be revamped but totally destroyed and rebuilt. Prostitutes in the modern sex industry suffer post-traumatic stress disorder at a rate of 67%, higher than Vietnam war veterans and similar to rape victims. Add to that the danger of actual rape and sexual abuse, which occurs to about a third of indoor prostitutes.
Besides all that, I don’t think sex should ever be a commodity people can buy. ‘Pro-sex’ is a very divisive term that assumes those against prostitution are ‘anti-sex’ when they are in fact anti-exploitation. I explained this in Sex-Positivism and Me.
Add to that my post on the intrinsic link between drugs and prostitution and you have a fuller picture of modern prostitution.
consent
I think the treatment of women in Congo is comparable to the treatment of women in the U.S. Fearing ones own body, and being paranoid about your image, is undeniably tied. I have through a process of letting go and regaining body ownership, and constantly being aware (of the images) and the media/social expectations that I’m supposed to be prescribing too, I have for the most part successfully let go many body standards that have been pushed at me, and are. I came to realize that I have another enemy inside me. Despite being able to physically control how I look, and though I can change how I see myself, I cannot change how others perceive and look at me. This isn’t where I wanted to take this exactly.
When people look at me, (mainly when a man) there are primarily two things that go through my head. How this person is seeing me in regards to my appearance (how I’m dressed, hair, makeup etc.) the other factor that I believe gets less notice, is how I instinctively react to their proximity, or what I do to protect myself, or how I either become more masculine or more feminine. This isn’t really where I wanted to go either. …
What I’m saying is, there is body image and body fear, and both are intrinsically related. Yesterday we watched The Line, and in it the the woman was talking about how great it was that her body was considered sacred. Indeed every body’s body should be sacred, but not in physical terms of appearance directly affecting our honor. Paranoia would not be present without all that body stigma. Meaning all the thoughts about honor and self worth comes from your body, and the paranoia is a reality, and comes from the fact that you are being judged on sight.
Everything can be rationalized… thoughts on when both parties are drunk or incapacitated… then consent is a much deeper discussion about ingrained behavior. I don’t know about how drinking changes base character and thoughts.
I would assume we would all agree that an enthusiastic yes is a good way to consent and to talk during sex and knowing exactly what’s going to happen is potentially very sexy and at least a good thing. But in the mainstream world people have ways of behaving in a prescribed way that they think is appropriate. And for sure people have ways of rationalizing their behavior, and either purposefully or because of cultural standards they misinterpret behaviors to suit their needs, which leads into talk about self awareness.
Today, I got a “Avoid Being a [Rape] Victim” sheet from a college professor that told me I shouldn’t wear a ponytail, talk on my cellphone in public, or be in a grocery store parking lot.
Screw that. I put together a sheet of my own from various other sources to distribute to my classmates tomorrow. I would have liked to include a lot more information, but printing stuff costs money (specifically, my limited funds). With some careful formatting and double-sided printing, the text will fit onto one sheet of paper. I copy/pasted this from Word, so the format and bullet-points may look wonky, but you’re welcome to copy/paste/print this for your own means. Here we go:
What’s wrong with suggesting that women take precautions to prevent being raped?
It’s wrong because it puts the onus on women not to get themselves raped, rather than on men not to do the raping; in short, it blames the victim. (Finally Feminism 101)
A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Hell, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself. (Men Can Stop Rape)
In case you aren’t sure how to avoid raping, here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:
© How do you define consent? Have you ever talked about consent with your partner(s) or friends?
© Do you think it is the other person’s responsibility to say something if they aren’t into what you’re doing? How might someone express that what is happening is not OK? Do you think it is possible to misinterpret silence for consent? Do you think silence is consent?
© Do you check in as things progress or do you assume the original consent means everything is OK? If someone consents to one thing, do you assume everything else is OK or do you ask before taking things to a different level? Do you think consent can be withdrawn after it’s been given?
© Do you pursue someone sexually even after they have said they just want to be friends? Do you assume that if someone is affectionate they are probably sexually interested in you? Are you clear about your own intentions?
© Have you ever tried to talk someone into doing something they showed hesitancy about?
© If someone is promiscuous, do you think it’s less important to get consent?
© Do you ever try to get yourself into situations that give you an excuse for touching someone you think would say no if you asked? (i.e., Dancing, getting drunk around them, falling asleep next to them.)
© Do you ever feel obligated to have sex? Do you ever feel obligated to initiate sex? Do you ever try and make bargains? (i.e., “If you let me______, I’ll do ______for you?”)
© Do you feel like being in a relationship with someone means that they have an obligation to have sex with you? What if they want to abstain from sex? Do you whine or threaten if you’re not having the amount of sex or kind of sex that you want?
© Do you think it’s OK to initiate something sexual with someone who’s sleeping? What if the person is your partner?
© Have you been sexual with people when you were drunk or when they were drunk? Do you seek consent the same way when you are drunk as when you’re sober?
© Do you initiate conversations about safe sex and birth control applicably? Do you think saying something as vague as “I’ve been tested recently” is enough?
© Do you think if a person has a body that can get pregnant, it’s up to that person to provide birth control? Do you complain or refuse safe sex or the type of birth control your partner wants to use because it reduces your pleasure?
© Do you think only men abuse? Do you think that in a relationship between people of the same gender, only the one who is more “manly” abuses?
You may want to keep in mind that rapists are often not strangers.
© 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
© 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
© 28% are an intimate.
© 7% are a relative.
Rapists are rarely hiding in the bushes. More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their home.
© 4 in 10 take place at the victim’s home.
© 2 in 10 take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.
© 1 in 12 takes place in a parking garage.
© The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.
© 52% are white.
© 22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are married.
© In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated — 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.
© In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon.
© 84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.
Rapists rarely serve time in jail for their crimes. 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail. (Rape Abuse & Incest National Network)
somehomo:alexxxmarie:ianwoodiel:conorobreasts:
nikoretterose:globogym:(via fckyoutati, 9gag)
i love sTARBUCKS
Wtf. Is this supposed to be funny?
